Thursday, January 22, 2009

"First They Came


for the gas traders, but I said nothing, for I was not a gas trader.
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Then they came for the originators, but I said nothing, for I was not an originator.
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They then came for the power marketers, but I said nothing, for I was not a power marketer...
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and then they came for me...and there was no one left to say anything"
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Okay, okay--we're not quite at the last line yet, because while 1 in 5 employees in our front office/trade floor were liquidated yesterday, your friend Mike Pemulis remains among the living. Apparently my biggest strength is that I'm not paid that much. You know, short blade of grass.
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My friend the III*, a Wharton alum who does BD for a midstream operating and trading company (a very large private family corporation owned in large part by, believe it or not, Elaine Bennes) told me the story of how one Thursday afternoon three weeks ago, his company sent out an email to a bunch of select employees calling for a staff meeting in one of the main conference rooms. What they found when they all entered and sat down was a firing squad waiting for them...the Malmedy Massacre writ small.
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I guess these developments really shouldn't suprise us "what with the economy and all"**
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On a positive note, gas prices are down!
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(Oh wait, that's bad for me...fuck!)
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*need a better nickname for my blue-blooded friend from San Antonio
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**This seemingly ubiquitious panacea of an excuse was joked about recently by the same 'the III' referenced above. For now, I encourage all of you reader(s) to use this phrase as often as possible and as frivolously as possible, as in
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"Doesn't surprise me they overcooked my steak, what with the economy and all"
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"Look at all this traffic--what with the economy and all, I guess it moves slower"
[editor's update: you'll notice also that politcal cartoonists are basking in their own wit by utilizing the "plane crashed into the Hudson River" metaphor for the economy. If one damn person had died, they'd be unable to do this.]

Monday, January 19, 2009

I've started dating this wonderful new girl


and have had very little time to update this space lately. However, we've built up quite the inventory of ideas over these past few, very eventful months. And here's the blurb on some of them:

I) Predictions for the Obama Administration:

He will be a pretty mediocre president, a fusion of JFK and Jimmy Carter. The Obama topic has been covered ad nauseum in both the MSM and here, so I have nothing more to add. Except this: stay away from those hostile rabbits, Mr. President.

II) How I felt about the real Chinese Democracy, not the fake one my esteemed colleague Benton wrote about last April:

Tracks 4, 12, and 11 are fantastic and the rest, like the future Obama Administration, are pretty mediocre. Track 4, "Street of Dreams", is bipolar and transcendent--one of the greatest love ballads ever written. In fact, the best love songs of all time:

1) "Street of Dreams" GNR
[editor's update: 1a) "Rocket Queen" GNR. The commentariat has bested me again on an even field of play]

2) "Back in the USSR" The Beatles
(I like this one a lot better than the melancholy "Yesterday", which is actually a breakup song--and I prefer 1981's "The Breakup Song*" in this category. Don't Argue with me here; BITUSSR is indeed a love song, hence the line "come and keep your comrade warm")

3) "Sweet Child of Mine" GNR

4) "You're Crazy Bitch, but You F*** So Good I'm on Top of It" Buckcherry

999,999,999,999,999) "Hey There Delilah" Plain White Tees

I really can't express to my one remaining reader in prose how much I hate this song. When I was in New York last week it even popped in my head, specifically the line "Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City?" Well...it's fucking cold and depressing. And PWTs, thanks for ruining the phrase "Hey there"--Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington's suave pickup line from Welcome Back Kotter*. Just a terrible, legacy-ruining song all around, and I'm still mad about it well over a year later.

III) Speaking of New York, it was great to see Greaseball, Megeeia, Little Joey, Moister C Moister, and the Shylock up there. The special guest appearance by Al Gore at the Regency on 61st and Park was a nice touch too. Too bad it's a frigid, concrete hellscape, reminiscent of the mythical Nordic Niflheim, except without any Nordic people in it.

IV) We've added a new concubine to the mix who shall henceforth be know as "The Drakes", joining callsigns Blackout, Zulu, Talbot, Reebok, TexMex, and Weaver** in the female nicknames category. I don't think she knows about this internet diary, so let's keep things mum, eh? Eh Comrade?!

V) In the future, we'll be tackling random, tangential, high brow topics as we did pre-Hurricane Ike. So we'll get to that Austin top ten bar ranking real soon!

* Topical and timely! Welcome to the Plebian's Blog.

**Per her imdb page, she's technically a public figure, so she gets the honor of a real name designation. Be sure to check out her on stage sex play starting this month in Los Angeles!